Interview with Andres Guardado and Other Shocking News

By: Paddy | December 5th, 2008

After days of red hot speculation, and metaphorically thousands of questions been submitted its time to reveal who the mystery midfielder I’m interviewing is: None other than Andres Guardado! (as the title would suggest) so lets waste no further time and get on with the business

Paddy: Hi Andres, thank you for taking this interview

Andres: No problem

Paddy: Lets skip the bull shit formalities ‘Andres’, Why did you rob me on that faithful day years ago? And do you feel indebted towards me for your success at Depor?

Andres: I was working as a gangster in a Mexico City, That much is true
But even then I knew Id find a much better place, Either with or without you
The five years we have had have been such good times, I still love you
But now I think its time I lived my life on my own, I guess its just what I must do

Paddy: You’re some tit.

Andres: Yes

Paddy: Do you regret marrying at such a young age?

Andres: Not really, I love my wife

Paddy: Regular reader John wants to know when you’re applying hair gel, do you fashion your locks to simulate running, so that when you stand around you look fast, or standing still, so that when you’re running you fool defenders into thinking that you’re just standing around? Or do you do the due to simulate rolling on the ground in pain?

Andres: I am not a diver and never have been

Paddy: What about this video from you’re Club America days that would suggest otherwise?

Andres: There was clearly contact

Paddy: What about Depor’s chances this season? Any chance of silverware

Andres: No

Paddy: You’re not very optimistic

Andres: Well we could buy a trophy and award it to ourselves, but that probably defeats the purpose

Paddy: I agree. (dead silence) Who were you’re heroes when you were growing up in Mexico

Andres: Oh you know, Clint Eastwood, Adam West, Sean Connery

Paddy; In a footballing sphere?

Andres: Probably Ryan ‘The Gigabyte’ Giggs. Lovely hair, fantastic skills, great nationality, I really admire Welsh people, I’m an honoury Welshman you know

Paddy: No you’re not

Andres: I’m sorry

Paddy: Miguel Lotina or Sven Goran Eriksson?

Andres: Oh Lotina, without a shadow of a doubt

Paddy: Buritto’s or Enchiladas?

Andres: Enchiladas

Paddy: Anything to say to the Legions of Depor blog readers?

Andres: He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.

Paddy: Hmm (uncomfortable pause) Do you have any questions to ask me?

Andres: Wanna be friends?

Paddy: Not really

Andres: Oh

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Strange but True Super Depor Fact of the Day Warts on human skin are caused by viruses that are unique to humans . Humans cannot catch warts from Dudu Aouate or other animals; the bumps on Dudu Aouate are not warts

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Cristiano Ronaldo to Depor?

Rumour has it that Cristiano Ronaldo fed up with life in Manchester is gunning for a move to A Coruna. The Ballon D’or winner is quoted as saying ‘It certainly interests me- I’m fed up with life in Manchester and am gunning for a move to A Coruna’. All over Spain La Liga wingbacks will be having nightmares of Ronaldo on the right and Guardado on the left.

There is even an artists impression of what such a move would look like